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How healthy is your marriage?

Posted: 19 Jan 2013 09:35 AM PST

Marriages may be made in heaven but need maintenance on earth, here's a look at the parameters for the 21st century matrimonial bliss.

What is the definition of a healthy marriage?
One that is equally satisfying to both partners, says marriage counsellor, Pratibha Gheewala. In a world of rapidly changing social definitions, the answer to this question has altered considerably from what it was ten years ago. According to clinical psychologist Dr Varkha Chulani, the definition of a healthy marriage has evolved into one where both individuals retain their individuality and believe that in being a couple, they can make their lives healthier and happier. Though a healthy marriage is an art that comes without a guidebook, there are a host of parameters that can guide it in that direction.

Communication
Communication is a very important ingredient for a healthy married life.Men and women tend to assume that their spouses must understand them completely without even as much as vocalising their expectations.This is the worst assumption to live by, according to Dr John Gray, the author of Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus.Men and women are inherently disparate and attach priority to different aspects of a relationship." Though thoughtfulness is a welcome bonus, one should not be chastised for the lack of it", says Radhika Mehta, a housewife from the city whose husband regularly forgets birthdays and anniversaries. Men love rules and guidelines and find it much easier to toe the line than always having to guess a woman's mind, she says.Women tend to have fairy tale expectations of marriage whereas men are more practical. It is a healthy balance between the two that really works. One needs to put in more effort to communicate with each other like having meals together, talking about each other's day and being affectionate with each other whenever possible.

Sexual intimacy
Even though we are known as the land of the Kamasutra, sex is a subject that is rarely discussed openly."Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship", says Dr Meera Iyer, a marriage counsellor. In India we tend to feel shy about discussing our sexual needs. In our society, the sexual dynamics have been such that the male has been dominant in a sexual relationship. However, women are waking up to their physical needs and are making their expectations more explicit. With stressful work lives and time reigning at a premium, couples are sharing lesser intimacy, either having lesser sex or a mechanical approach towards it. "The key to a healthy sex life is in mutually communicating one's needs and working towards achieving them. It is this physical bond that differentiates a husband and wife from any other relationship in the world", says Dr Iyer.

Friendship
According to Neena Nath the key to her healthy marriage is the fact that her spouse is also her best friend. One is caring and selflessly available for our friends; however,we tend to forget that in a marriage."We are careful not to hurt our friends and always put their interests foremost in our minds, if we treated our spouses the same way, there would be a lot less unhappy marriages," says Dr Tendulkar, a clinical psychologist.

Space
Each relationship requires both breathing space and space to grow."It's very important to accept and maintain each other's individuality in a marriage", says Dr Chulani. Most often, couples are trying to change one another to suit their needs which lead to one's loss of identity and eventual dissatisfaction with the marriage. It is important to allow your spouse the space to make his or her choices and be responsible for them.

Respect and acceptance
Respect and acceptance are one of the most important tools in creating a healthy marriage. Very often couples tend to take each other for granted and believe they have a right to be condescending towards each other. Couples need to respect one another and allow each other space for mistakes. One needs to accept the other as an individual with a past, a present, a career, personal choices and existing relationships. "A constant need to reject and change your spouse leads to humiliation and loss of self esteem, contributing to an unhealthy marriage", explains Dr Chulani.

Interests and passions
A common interest or passion contributes greatly to a healthy marriage. Learning about each other's careers, playing a sport together, sharing a passion for reading or simply playing board games, can inject a marriage with vitality. Studies show that couples who play together stay together.

Commitment and fidelity
Gheewala believes that earlier marriages were more secure though less fulfilling, whereas now marriages are more fulfilling but less secure.Marriages are on a shorter fuse than ever before. Women are becoming increasingly financially independent and couples no longer feel the need to stick to each other for lack of a better option. Expectations from each other have also increased due to increased exposure to the outside world. Dr Chulani stresses on forethought and making the right choice for a partner before one gets married.When young, people tend to make their choices based on the wrong pretexts, therefore pre marriage counselling is a great idea, one that is gaining momentum these days. For post marriage health, a positive and constructive attitude is what helps couples tide over the years, and of course, lots of love and fresh air!

Do you know everything about sex?

Posted: 19 Jan 2013 09:32 AM PST

Think again for the more someone claims to know, the less they generally do know.

Alicia Stanton, a board-certified OB/GYN and the author of ''Hormone Harmony,'' who specializes in treating men and women suffering hormone imbalances, has listed top nine sex-related myths and what the real scoop is about sex, desire, and making it all work, reports the Fox News.

Myth: Interest in sex decreases with menopause.
Reality: Many women maintain hormonal balance and interest in sex through menopause. And, pregnancy and menstruation are no longer a concern, spontaneity can reign. Also, they are typically more confident and knowledgeable about what they want, so sex has the potential to be better than ever.

Myth: The only hormone important for libido is testosterone.
Reality: Although testosterone is very important for libido and sexual function in men and women, other hormones play a part as well. Estrogen is actually very important for desire in both men and women. Also, a high level of cortisol, our "fight or flight hormone," works against libido. If your body thinks that you're running for your life, literally or figuratively, it is not going to be very interested in sex.

Myth: If you're truly in love, desire for sex and high libido should come easily.
Reality: Relationships and making a real connection with someone takes time and energy. Relationships require as much attention as anything about which you are passionate. Focus on keeping your partner and his or her interests high on your priority list and you will find yourself discovering new ways to connect and keep the passion alive.

Myth: If you're healthy, you should want sex all of the time.
Reality: A wide variety in sexual appetite or level of libido exists. The way you know if you're having the "right" amount of sex is if you and your partner are both happy with your level of activity. There's no need to compare yourself to others.

Myth: If you're connected with your partner, you shouldn't have to ask for what you need.
Reality : Even if you and your partner haven't previously spoken much about your sexual relationship, it might be good to start talking. This is especially true if you're entering a new phase of life, including childbirth, menopause, or andropause, often called male menopause. If you begin to notice changes in your body or sexual desire, be sure to let your partner know what's going on. And, remember, communicating about what feels good enhances the experience for both of you.

Myth: Your most important sex organs are "south of the border."
Reality: Although those places are lots of fun, remember that your brain is the biggest sex organ in your body. You always have the ability to choose how you feel and think about sex and your sexuality. The desirability a man or woman feels about himself or herself is a very potent aphrodisiac. If you feel irresistible, your partner will find you irresistible. Passion is contagious!

Myth: If you don't have a partner, there is no sense in having a libido.
Reality: Having a loving relationship with yourself is essential. Even if you don't currently have a partner, feeling sensual and desirable will add passion to many aspects of your life. It takes practice to learn what arouses you and what a potential partner finds arousing. Learning to pleasure yourself is an important skill that you can continue to enjoy on your own, or that you can teach to a partner one day.

Myth: Women are the only ones who have problems with low libido.
Reality: Although the sexual desire disorder known as low libido is more common in women, it occurs in men as well. Some physical causes include alcohol, various medications, stress, hormone imbalances (such as low testosterone), cocaine use, brain tumors that produce the hormone prolactin, diabetes, and other major diseases such as cancer.

Myth: Hormonal issues are the only cause of low libido in women.
Reality: There are hormone imbalances such as low estrogen, low testosterone, hypothyroidism, and high cortisol from stress, but there are many other potential causes as well. Physical problems such as vulvar or vaginal pain or dryness may cause an increase in frustration and reduced libido. Surgery or other major health conditions like cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure or arthritis can also reduce libido.

Also, relationship issues, psychological issues (including depression), alcohol, tobacco use, and weight issues may also contribute to low libido.

Poonam Pandey turns spiritual, visits Maha Kumbh

Posted: 19 Jan 2013 09:24 AM PST

poonam pandey bollywood
Poonam Pandey took a holy dip in the Sangam on Thursday. Visiting her grandparents in Allahabad for the first time, Pandey camped in the Kumbh area along with her relatives.
"Though I have stayed in the most luxurious hotels, but camping in a tent on the sandy banks of the Ganga was the most amazing experience of my life. I felt so invigorated and refreshed after the holy dip," said the model, who also took a boat ride on the Ganga and described the experience at the Kumbh as "something which can not be explained but realised".

She added, "It is a new me after my stay there, and I would certainly like to come back."

Poonam made it a point to interact with the sadhus. "I was very curious about meeting the Naga sadhus. They were delighted to meet me and even gave me their blessings!" she said.

The model also tweeted about her experiences: "Tried a #NASHA first time in my Life at Kumbh Mela as a Prasad .... What a #NASHA it was.. JAI BHOLE NAATH .. JAI SHIV SHAMBHOO .. Full Power."

Nasha is the title of her debut film.
Posted by Sheik Azmol Haque Jony

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